My heart has been so heavy all week.
My week began with the regular stresses that come with the beginning of the semester. Waiting for money to come in, trying to get into classes (I'm waitlisted for 19! I'm desperate here!) trying to order hard to find books. Things like that.
Then the stress got a little heavier.
Finding out we need to apply for a loan, more hours at work, both headlights in my car went out, trying to keep up on housework (and failing) more issues with getting into school.
Just a lot of stuff I didn't, and couldn't deal with anymore.
Poor Bryant has had to deal with at least 3 of my melt-downs just this week alone (I'm sure more are to follow)
Then my heart broke.
A few months ago, one of my best friends had a stillborn baby girl. My heart was so torn for her and her loss. It wasn't long after I had found out I was pregnant and my anxiety level jumped 100% Not only for her, but for my baby as well.
It's taken weeks for my worries to lessen and it's been largely due to her strength and resilience. She is such a strong woman and I admire her so much for that.
But my heart was broken again last night when I learned that another friend of mine from high school lost her beautiful 5 month old baby this week.
You never plan or expect these things to happen. I am absolutely crushed and I feel so awful for her and her family.
All my fears and worries and anxiety had returned full force. Bryant sat there and tried to comfort me last night, but I just felt heavy. And every time I thought of my two friends and their sweet angels, it just got worse. I wanted to help my friend, to be there to comfort her, but I knew I couldn't be there with her. So I decided to do the only thing I could think of.
I prayed for comfort to come to her, and to my other friend. I prayed that their heavy hearts and sorrows would be mended and their souls uplifted.
Then I decided to pray for myself.
I knew I needed this comfort too.
I needed assurance that everything would be alright.
The answer I received was a feeling and a knowledge that if I did everything I could to the best of my ability, then that was enough and that no matter what happens in my life, that that would be up to my heavenly father and he would pick up the slack and still be proud of me.
Today, I still feel sad, and still stressed about so many things that need to be done this week. But I have a comforting hand on my shoulder.
These two strong women and their husbands and families will continue to be in my heart, thoughts and prayers. Their beautiful angels were just too perfect to stay here on such an imperfect world.
.
My week began with the regular stresses that come with the beginning of the semester. Waiting for money to come in, trying to get into classes (I'm waitlisted for 19! I'm desperate here!) trying to order hard to find books. Things like that.
Then the stress got a little heavier.
Finding out we need to apply for a loan, more hours at work, both headlights in my car went out, trying to keep up on housework (and failing) more issues with getting into school.
Just a lot of stuff I didn't, and couldn't deal with anymore.
Poor Bryant has had to deal with at least 3 of my melt-downs just this week alone (I'm sure more are to follow)
Then my heart broke.
A few months ago, one of my best friends had a stillborn baby girl. My heart was so torn for her and her loss. It wasn't long after I had found out I was pregnant and my anxiety level jumped 100% Not only for her, but for my baby as well.
It's taken weeks for my worries to lessen and it's been largely due to her strength and resilience. She is such a strong woman and I admire her so much for that.
But my heart was broken again last night when I learned that another friend of mine from high school lost her beautiful 5 month old baby this week.
You never plan or expect these things to happen. I am absolutely crushed and I feel so awful for her and her family.
All my fears and worries and anxiety had returned full force. Bryant sat there and tried to comfort me last night, but I just felt heavy. And every time I thought of my two friends and their sweet angels, it just got worse. I wanted to help my friend, to be there to comfort her, but I knew I couldn't be there with her. So I decided to do the only thing I could think of.
I prayed for comfort to come to her, and to my other friend. I prayed that their heavy hearts and sorrows would be mended and their souls uplifted.
Then I decided to pray for myself.
I knew I needed this comfort too.
I needed assurance that everything would be alright.
The answer I received was a feeling and a knowledge that if I did everything I could to the best of my ability, then that was enough and that no matter what happens in my life, that that would be up to my heavenly father and he would pick up the slack and still be proud of me.
Today, I still feel sad, and still stressed about so many things that need to be done this week. But I have a comforting hand on my shoulder.
These two strong women and their husbands and families will continue to be in my heart, thoughts and prayers. Their beautiful angels were just too perfect to stay here on such an imperfect world.
.
thank you brooke for that sweet message. My heart has been aching for my little girl and than hearing about Latonya's baby girl my heart is broken all over again. Latonya's baby was only 2 weeks older than my little girl and it just hurts that this has to happen again.
ReplyDelete