My shoulder hurts...

It's only Wednesday, and this week has already done me in.

Remember when I said that Savannah has developed a side of sass, the likes of which had never been seen before? 

Well yeah, and it's exhausting. 

On top of that, both my kids have gotten into weird sleep patterns, which is doing a number on me. 

The other night, Savannah woke up at 5am crying, which she occasionally does. I think it's part nightmares, and part being scared of the dark. If I forget to leave the bathroom light on across the hall, and she wakes up, it really scares her. And it takes a while to calm her down. Bryant got up with her and held her until she fell back asleep around 5:30. Then Deagan woke up, ready to eat, so I got up with him and fed him until he fell back asleep at 6. Then at 6:45, Savannah woke up again, this time yelling "Mooooooommmmm! Daaaaaddddyyyy! I NEED my MM's!"

So you better believe we got up and gave her a measuring cup full of M&Ms and sat her on the couch with some cartoons. We tried to go back to bed, but she kept coming in and waking us up. Then Deagan was up again. So we gave-in and got up for the day. Might I add, our kids usually get up around 10am, and Tuesdays are Bryant's day off, so we had stayed up waaaay too late watching a really stupid movie, banking on the belief that we would get to sleep it? Yeah we had about 4 hours total.

But it wasn't just that night. Deagan usually only gets up once to eat, but he's been getting up 3, 4, 5 times a night this past week and half-heartedly eating. Like, he eats for about 2 minutes, then falls asleep, then 20 minutes later, he's fussing again.

Ugh.

I was starting to get grouchy from my lack of sleep. I'm not a nice person if I don't sleep (or eat, but that's a whole other level of mean...) And I was getting a little overwhelmed. A couple of nights ago, I desperately needed to get out of my house so I left Bryant with the kids and I hopped in my car. I wound up at my parents house. I wasn't even planning on going there, it just happened. My dad offered to go with me to the gas station to buy a coke and then we went and got Strawberry shakes. Then we went back to their house and I watched an episode of Hell On Wheels with them. It was nice to talk to them and to not have a 2 year old climbing all over me, and a 2 month old spitting up and peeing on me for a bit.

I came home feeling much better and slightly recharged. But that doesn't change the fact that I haven't had a full-nights sleep in 8 weeks. I can't even sneak in a nap during the day, because one of the kids is always awake. 

This morning, I got up at 4 with DJ, and for the next 2 hours, he did his I-cant-decide-if-i-want-to-sleep-or-eat thing. At 6 am, Bryant woke up and asked if everything was ok. I snapped at him saying that no, everything wasn't ok because I haven't slept in weeks, thankyouverymuch..

 He quietly got up, grabbed Deagan and said he would go get him a bottle. I instantly fell back asleep. When I woke up, it was 10:00 and Bryant was gone, and DJ wasn't in his bassinet. When I went out into the living room, there was Deagan sound asleep and strapped into his swing, and a blanket and pillows were on the couch, with a half-drank bottle on the coffee table. Evidence that Bryant had slept out there with Deagan for the 2 hours before he had to get up for work, which had given me 4 solid hours of uninterrupted sleep.

He's a good man, that one. 

I am such a pill when I am tired. And the truth is, I love having two kids, I really really do, but I'm not handling it as well as I thought I would. It's become a guessing game of, which screaming kid do I deal with first? Why do I have to be lassoed with a rope

by Savannah when I'm in the middle of feeding the baby? How is it 4:00 and I haven't even been able to have 30 seconds to eat something? How long do I have in the shower before Deagan starts crying, and Savannah starts throwing a fit that I won't let her get in with me? Is it even worth showering today? Having two kids is so much harder than only having one. But, as I've been told, it gets a lot easier after 3. Lets hope!

 I can tell the stress is wearing on me. I carry a lot of my stress in my neck and shoulders, and my right shoulder is killing me these last few days. Not to mention that my stress-eating diet consists almost solely of cookie dough, pizza and tacos. 

But i'm trying to be patient. I keep telling myself that eventually we will get on a schedule. That eventually, Deagan will sleep through the night. That eventually these crazed, post-baby hormone induced bouts of stress and frustration will lessen. 

But I really am so grateful for my kids. I hope they can be patient with me because lets face it, I've never been a mom of 2 kids before now. I'm still learning.

And mommy just really, really needs a nap.