The Mommy Wars Arrive on my Home Turff

If you're not familiar with the term "mommy wars", in a nutshell, its basically where mom's (and sometimes women with no children) will attack another mom for her parenting choices, usually done via blogs, social networking sites, things like that. I find this different from simply offering friendly advice, which the mom should be able to consider and either use, or disregard, to being a "my way or the highway" approach.

I've seen this on many of the blogs I read. I remember one woman posted a picture of her 2 kids playing, one a toddler and one about a year old. They were both just in diapers, which is a common thing around our house, so I didn't think anything of it, other than it was a cute picture of some cute kids. But as I skimmed the comments, there were several people who complained that it was degrading to the children, that it was inappropriate, that her children would hate their mother in the future because she had posted that photo on the internet. 

This really shocked me, and annoyed me. I mean, I'm the mom who let her daughter swim naked in a river in Zions National Park once. My daughter spends half her day in just a diaper. Were there people out there that really had a beef with this woman? 

Then last week, another blogger I follow posted a photo on instagram of one of her children on a bike, and the kid didn't have a helmet on. The bike was stationary, and the dad was clipping the baby into the carrier on the bike, so it may have been moments before a helmet was even placed on her head. But people began attacking her left and right for being careless and how a good mom would have been concerned about her daughter's safety. I felt so bad knowing that the woman would have to read through over 100 comments, the majority of which were attacking her.

Now, I've had my share of a few concerned moms (and non-moms) let me know what I'm doing wrong as a parent. Usually, it's while I'm at the store or something ("you know you're daughter isn't wearing shoes right?") and I've had a few people send me e-mails or texts to notify me of my short comings. Heck, I've even had anonymous messages left for me from people in my own ward complaining about the way I taught their kids in nursery before. 

Usually, I get a little mad, a little defensive, but I can come out of it with no emotional scrapes or bruises.

But these last couple of weeks have been rough. Like, really, really rough. I have had several people privately message me on facebook, berating me on everything from what I let Savannah eat: "I saw that you posted today that you let Savannah eat a cookie. Do you KNOW how bad sugar is for kids?! She is at high risk for becoming obese if you let her eat junk at such a young age!" 

To my decision to have a doctor-assisted hospital birth: "Doctors are crooks! You are not in their best interest. Plus your doctor is MALE which is perverted and gross! You should really do an at-home birth with a midwife, it's much safer..."

And then all hell broke loose Monday night.

I had the option to be induced this past Monday. I declined, because I wanted to give this baby until his due date to arrive at the very least. But I began feeling so drained. My body hurts. My ENTIRE body hurts. I can't take care of Savannah as well as I should be able to because I can't do anything. Just walking down the stairs to do laundry is torture. Poor Savannah hasn't been to the park in weeks because I'm just too exhausted and sore to chase her around. I can barely sit on the front porch and blow bubbles with her. It's not fair to her at all.  So I did a LOT of research, I talked to lots of people, I discussed it with my doctor, and came to the conclusion that I want to be induced this coming Monday, 2 days after his due date. I posted on Facebook how I was excited because that meant I would only have to be pregnant for one more week at the most. 

Initially, I got a lot of support on this. People e-mailed or texted me to tell me what good experiences they had being induced, how they were excited for me, things like that.

But the next morning, my in-box began flooding with people who were going to tell me exactly why I was being a terrible person for wanting to be induced. "It's unnatural" "you're forcing your body to do something it doesn't want to do" "your labor will take too long".

Thankfully, these people at least had the decency to attack me privately, rather than right on my facebook post for all to see, because it was kind of humiliating. I was really shocked. Most of these people weren't even people I knew that well. They were people who had friended me on facebook, who had known me vaguely in high school or something like that. And suddenly, I felt defeated. I tried to defend myself. I tried to let them know that I was not selfishly doing this. I was doing this for my well being, but also for my daughter, who needs me just as much as this baby does. But I got the same response from ALL of them: "I'm just giving you options, you obviously haven't thought this through..."

WHAAAA?

Do these people really think that I'd make such a big decision without researching ALL the facts first? I don't even go to a movie without finding out everything I can about it first. I just spent the last 3 days coveting a 12 dollar shirt online and trying to decide if it was something I really wanted to buy. 3 DAYS PEOPLE! (I ended up buying it, and it's super cute, just FYI...) so I definitely wasn't going to be induced without feeling well informed about it.

But I just couldn't convince these people that I was doing what I felt was best for me, my husband, and my kids. All day yesterday, I felt sad, and like I really was a terrible mom. I was second guessing myself. I was trying to decide if I should cancel my induction, just so that people would stop being so mean. I decided that I needed to go for a walk. Every evening, Bryant, Savannah and I all go for a walk as far as my body can handle. But I decided to go out on my own last night. I just wanted to put on my headphones and listen to "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me". So I did. I didn't think about all the mean messages I had received. I just thought about how pretty the mountains were with low-hanging clouds surrounding them.

On the last street of my walk, it began to downpour. I had brought an umbrella, and I didn't mind it at all. But Bryant had been worried about me and had come to find me. He ran all the way up the street and accompanied me back down. When I got home, I told him I felt better, and he hugged me and told me that he felt I was making a good decision, and that whatever I chose to do, he would support me. Soon after, I had a few contractions, and I began to get excited. So I cleaned up the living room, put together the car seat, and did the dishes... just in case...

But unfortunately, they stopped altogether as soon as I went to bed. 

I woke up this morning at 4am. I was so frustrated. I had hoped that I would go into labor during the night. I wanted more than anything to be able to tell people I didn't have to be induced. Then they wouldn't think I was such a bad person. I couldn't go back to sleep so I got out of bed and in the shower bright and early. Just as Bryant was about to leave for work, he asked if I was ok, and out of nowhere I began crying. I had a total meltdown. I told him I was frustrated, that I was tired, that my body hurts, that I felt attacked and hated by people who only really know me through facebook. 

I asked for a blessing.

I asked him to bless me with comfort and patience and peace.

So he did, and it was beautiful.

I felt better. I felt calmer. Later, my visiting teacher came to visit. She is such an awesome person. She gave me a lesson that I really needed to hear, and we sat and chatted for a very long time. I told her about all the mean things people said to me, and she felt for me, and gave me encouragement. 

I still feel good about my decision. About all my parenting decisions. Yes, I'm a little scared. I don't want to be induced, I would rather have him come on his own this weekend. Or today, today would be nice. But if he isn't here by Sunday night, then I am ok and at peace with being induced. My mom was induced with all of her kids, and we all came just fine and dandy. I trust my doctors. I trust my instinct. And I trust that after lots of prayer and pleading, that this is the right thing to do. 

But I'd still really really like him to come today... you know, if he wants to.

And to all those mom's and non-moms who feel that their opinion is the only one that matters:

(Sorry, I just had to throw Uchtdorf in there. It was too perfect to pass up...)

Still Waiting

 I'm officially 38 weeks, and no baby yet.

I have to keep reminding myself that we still have 2 whole weeks left before his due date. 

I went in for another appointment on Thursday, and I've progressed to 3cm and I'm still at 80% effacement, so at least I'm heading in the right direction.

But I'm getting way too excited. I wake up every morning thinking "I've got a good feeling about today", and then of course, nothing ever happens.

But I am so done being pregnant.

My mom and I were talking about how much we like being pregnant, how we both actually really like the whole pregnancy/labor/birth process, and I truly do! It gives me a sense of empowerment and strength. But as I've said in numerous posts, this pregnancy has been so much harder on my body than my first. There was always something making this pregnancy tough. First it was horrible morning sickness that lasted over 20 weeks. Then it was sciatic nerve pain, then my right hip dislocating twice. Then it was lower back pain. Then it was overwhelming exhaustion (which we found was due to my anemia, and has been somewhat resolved with iron supplements) and now It's cramping in my thighs and calves that will drop me to the floor with no warning. It's a little embarrassing being at the grocery store, or going for a walk in my neighborhood and suddenly dropping to my knees in pain. It's no fun.

I've completely lost the will to do anything this last week. I don't want to cook, I don't want to clean, I don't want to go to the grocery store. Nothing. In fact, I spent almost my entire day today in bed either watching TV, reading, or sleeping. Thankfully, Savannah was fine hanging out on my bed with me all day. We did go outside to play with chalk with her grandpa for a bit before it started raining, and I did a load of laundry. So I was sort of productive. But I won't lie and say that I wouldn't want to just lay in bed all day again tomorrow, because I probably will do just that.

But ultimately, I still enjoy this whole process. I'm very blessed to have had no problems with this pregnancy, other than some aches and pains. 

We are all getting a little anxious waiting for baby boy to arrive. Bryant texts or calls me several times a day asking how I'm feeling, if I've had any contractions, if I need anything, etc. Last week we were leaving for my brother's wedding and I told him to get Savy in the car and I'd grab some spatulas for the luncheon and be right out. But then I decided to fix a snack to take along for Savannah since it was nearly a 2 hour drive to the temple, and then I went to grab a spare dress for her, just in case. Suddenly, Bryant came flying in. When he found me in the kitchen, he let out a huge breath and said "oh, you're ok! You were just taking longer than I thought and I was worried you were on the floor going into labor!"

Then the next night, he had gone to play basketball and I was giving Savannah a bath before bedtime. I pulled the plug and let the water drain and she still didn't want to get out of the tub. So I walked across the hall to her room to grab her jammies and Bryant walked in and heard Savannah in the bathroom, so he poked his head in and said hi, then he started panicking and ran into our room shouting for me again. When I yelled that I was in her room getting jammies, he once again said "Oh good! I saw savannah in an empty tub and I thought something was wrong and you were passed out on the floor or something!"

That poor kid, his nerves are going to be fried if this baby doesn't come ASAP!

I feel pretty ready. I have yet to pack a hospital bag, but I'm slowly working on it. And I still need to wash the car seat and get it installed. But I'm all pre-registered at the hospital, and the pack-n-play/bassinet is all cleaned up and ready to go, and all his clothes and blankets are washed and folded. 

So we are basically just playing the waiting game.

Bryant keeps telling me that I need to invoke the "law of attraction". If I want something bad enough, it will happen. It usually works for him when he's looking for a parking spot, so in theory it should work with a baby too right?

(anyone got any good tricks to inducing labor? You know, that don't include drinking caster oil? I'll try anything here!)

Baby Number 2 is...

Today was our long-awaited ultrasound! I've been waiting for this day for a loooooong time. 

It was in the afternoon, which made me antsy and anxious all day long. But we made it!

We brought Savannah with us, who had no idea what was going on, and just kept saying "oh cool!" to everything the doctor pointed out. After a while, she began to get worried about me, and she came over and held my hand. It was so sweet of her.

Then, the big announcement came:

Baby number 2 is a.....

(profile)

BOY!!!

We are SO excited! I would have been perfectly happy with either. I wanted a girl because my sister and I are 11 years apart and I always wished I had a sister while growing up, but I also wanted a boy because I want the experience of raising a boy plus their personalities are so different from girls. I just think it will be so fun to have the opportunity to raise both a boy and a girl!

 (eyes, lips and nose)

I'm also excited because I love buying Savannah clothes, and I'm excited to explore the world of little boy clothes. I have been itching all day to do some shopping! The nice thing is, I bought a lot of the big stuff that you need for a baby in gender neutral colors, so they will work for a boy too, so all I really need are clothes! 

And I have spent way too much time today on pinterest looking for nursery ideas. I actually want to re-do both Savannah's and the baby's room, so I have been having way too much fun browsing for ideas!

 (view of the head and face from a top-angle)

(Spine)

I had a really strong feeling this baby would be a boy. I first had my suspicions with how different this pregnancy has been. I have been so sick, and my body is so tired all the time. Much more so than when I was pregnant with Savy. But I also had this feeling that it was a boy. Anytime I pictured Savannah meeting the baby for the first time, I would picture him as a boy. I don't know, maybe it was a weird maternal instinct thing?

(arm, with the hand and fingers on the right)

Anyways, the ultrasound looked really good. Everything is where it should be, and growing right on track! The doctor said he was measuring about the 39th percentile, so he will be like Savannah was when she was born, but his measurements put him within a day or 2 of his due date, so he is perfect! He's breech right now (which I already knew because this kid kicks me in the bladder all day long...) but he said not to worry because we still have a long way to go, and most babies turn themselves the last month. (Savannah was in position for months. And she dropped about a month before she was born. She was just as ready to be born as I was wanting her to be!)

 (this one is self-explanatory...)

The hardest thing to do now will be to decide a name. I'm super picky with names, especially boys names. I want all my kids to have unique names, without them being "weird". At least I have 19 more weeks to figure one out! So if anyone has a suggestion, feel free to let me know!

(foot. It's really fuzzy in the picture, you can see it better on the DVD)

In other pregnancy news, I finally packed on a few pounds. 3 to be exact! I still think it's weird that in 21 weeks of pregnancy, I've only gained a total of 4 pounds, yet my stomach is HUGE! Granted, I'm only 3 pounds away from what I weighed when I was 39 weeks pregnant last time. Which I'm a bit ashamed to admit... Also, I have to do my glucose test next month. Yuck. If anything makes you never want to drink a sugary drink again, it's the glucose test...

My sciatic nerve has actually been feeling a bit better, but my lower back and hips always hurt. I've been doing yoga, and making Bryant give me a massage every single night, and that seems to help.

I'm still having super weird dreams. But thankfully, no nightmares, like I would get while pregnant with Savy. Most of the time, they are actually really awesome, and I'm sad when they end.

I'm also craving the most unhealthy food. For a while, I craved salads and melons. But lately, I've been craving anything fried. Grilled cheese sandwiches, corn dogs, onion rings, you name it! JCW's and I have become close friends these past few weeks. And the old pregnancy classic, ice cream. In fact, I made Bryant go out just to buy me ice cream this afternoon (he brought back doughnuts too. He knows me too well...) He's been such a good sport lately. He's really picked up the slack I've created in housework, and he deals with my hormone-induced mood swings like a champ. I love that boy.

I just can't stop looking at the ultrasound pictures. I'm so excited! 19 weeks and counting until we meet our little boy!