My Last Week of Summer Break

Saturday August 18th was my last day working at Barnes and Noble.

It was bittersweet. I was happy to be moving on and only have to worry about school and my family. I was excited to just be a stay-at-home-mom.

I did get a little sad my last day. I did pretty well almost my whole shift until I was helping a school librarian find some children's books. She rattled off a list and I said "ok, follow me!" and she said "You know where they all are? ALL of them?!" I told her that they were titles that get asked for a lot and knew exactly where they would be. She smiled as she turned and followed behind me. "You have such a wonderful job here. You must really love it!" 

I turned and put my hands on my cheeks "I know! I do!" I exclaimed "And it's my last day here if you can believe it!" I said with a few tears peaking around the corners of my eyes.

"Oh honey! Did you find another job or something?" She replied as she patted my arm.

"No, I have a little girl that I just want to be a full-time mommy for" I said. This time, feeling a whole surge of confidence rise up in me. That's all I needed. It was my sign. 

I was doing the right thing. It's what I want for myself and for her.

I was hoping to spend my first week as a stay at home mom and my last week of summer vacation spending lots of time at the park, splash pad, out to eat, museums, etc, with my favorite little girl, but as luck would have it, we all came down with a horrible case of the stomach flu...

Last Sunday, Savannah was laying in her crib at bedtime and Bryant and I were watching TV in the living room. She could see us and was mad that we weren't coming to get her out. All of a sudden, we hear her gag and throw up.

Now, Savannah does this really weird thing where she gags herself with her fingers to make herself throw up when she's not getting the attention she wants. Usually when she's in trouble. We thought that was all it was.

The next morning, I woke up hearing her yelling for me. I got up and started walking to her room to get her out when she threw up again. Again, I thought she was gagging herself. 

Tuesday, once again, I was throwing her in the bathtub, and her sheets and clothes in the wash. This is when I realized that maybe it was more than her trying to get attention, even though she was still acting happy and energetic.

 (Eating crackers... with a bowl... just in case...)

Wednesday was horrible. Savannah threw up at 6am, and by 8:30am, I was throwing up, and by 10:00am, Bryant was sick as well. We all crawled into bed and slept most of the day, and watched LOTS of Sesame Street, Barney and Shaun The Sheep. (If you ever want a catchy theme song stuck in your head all day, watch Shaun the Sheep.) None of us could keep anything down. Not even water or Gatorade.

Thursday was worse. Savannah was starting to keep pedialyte down for a little while and would eat crackers even though she was pretty lethargic and wanted no one but her daddy. But I still couldn't get anything in me. I was feeling weak and dehydrated. I called my doctor and he said that If I went another hour without any fluids, to go to the ER and get an IV. I really didn't want to do that, so I waited about 4 hours, and by then, I was keeping Gatorade down for about an hour at a time.

(Bryant was getting cabin fever and was talking like Bane from Batman, adding "in the dark!" to the end of every sentence)

Friday was about the same, but Saturday I was feeling a little better. I had lost 8lbs and I felt terribly weak. Getting up and walking to the kitchen and back made me exhausted. I was getting headaches and dizziness. We had people coming to take a look at our apartment that day and I needed to clean it. I just couldn't do it. I was constantly worried I would pass out and had to sit down every few minutes. I finally took Savy to my sister to watch and asked my mom to come help me. She was superwoman. Both her and my dad had had the stomach flu too and she was still not feeling too great, and yet she still came and scrubbed my kitchen while I was laying on the floor whining.

Thanks mom, I really owe you!

We are all feeling so much better now, but we are all still pretty tired. Eating nothing for days takes a huge toll on your body. I calculated it all up and I probably only ate around 700 calories in 4 days. And most of that didn't stay down.

(Laying there feeling miserable)

On the bright side, my pants fit a little looser! (Not really sure it was worth it though...)

I'm still having a hard time eating, but it's because I think my stomach just can't fit that much anymore. I had 4 bites of Mac N Cheese today and was full. I DID get 2 slices of pizza down this evening, but now I feel overstuffed!

Not really the "Stay-at-home" part of being a stay-at-home-mom I was hoping for this week. And not really how I wanted to spend my last week of summer break before school starts. 

But it was really great cuddle time with the 2 people I love most in this world!

So tomorrow I start school! I've got my bag packed with a new notebook, fresh pencils and pens, and I have my outfit all picked out a ready to go (at least I didn't lay it all out like I would in grade school haha!).

I'm excited!

Just Some photos (and a few words)

 

Being clingy

Post-nap hair and big eyes.

 

A pretty window at the place Bryant and I had our reception 3 years ago!

Payson Salmon Supper!

Summer weddings!

 

 Watching Olympic beach volleyball. If you can't tell, she's thrilled...

She would swing 24 hours a day if we let her.

It's always nice having cousins around to keep Savy entertained at parties.

My new Bonlook glasses came!

Waiting for daddy to get off work! (and my dark hair! woo!)

We've been soaking up the last few weeks of summer before I start classes again. Lots of playing in the yard, camping, family reunion/parties, and movies with Sav. We have yet to make it to a baseball game (how did that happen?) maybe we can sneak one in this week. 

Also, It's my last week of work! And I have a cold.... *I think I can, I think I can...*

How are you enjoying your last few days of summer before you or your kiddos go back to school?

A New Adventure

I'm quitting my job.

Every time I think or say that sentence, it feels foreign to me.

"I'm quitting my job".

But I tell you what, it feels awesome (and a little scary) to say.

The decision to do so has been lurking around the back of my mind since Savy was born. Bryant and I had discussed me just staying home, and even though I loved the idea, I just didn't feel good about it at the time. It just didn't feel right.

I've been working at the bookstore for the last 4 years and I love it. I actually had another job offer from a place that paid a little more, and I turned it down when I got offered this one, because I knew I would like it more. I've worked there through getting married, school, and having a baby. I've made a lot of good friends. I've met some interesting customers (some a little too interesting, if you catch my drift...) and I've come away with a lot of good stories.

But I'm still quitting my job.

If you haven't heard, Bryant recently got a job promotion. A big one that he has been working hard to get for about 6 months now. He loves it. He works hard, and he is doing an amazing job! And to be honest, the money is nice too.

A few weeks ago, I started the process of registering for classes for the fall semester. I started to get stressed about trying to do school AND work AND be a mom. I started to get depressed with the thought of rarely seeing Savannah, of rarely spending time with Bryant. Of never being home with both of them at the same time.

Then a light turned on in the back of my mind.

"You could quit your job..." a little voice said.

I began to weigh the pros and cons. The Pros FAR outweighed the cons. We are finally in a position where I don't have to work. My paychecks were really only covering the cost of my car payment each month anyway, and I just made the last payment a couple of weeks ago (yay!).

And how nice would it be just to concentrate on school?

So nice.

So, so very nice.

I got a really good feeling about it. It felt right this time. 

I needed to cut something out of my life. School has always been important to me, and even though I love my job, I want to be a college graduate more.

Last year was so hard trying to balance everything. I did terribly in school and I missed being home so much. 

It's funny because growing up, I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. In my mind, that was an infringement on my independence. But since having become a mother, it is my ultimate goal. I realize now how badly I want to be a nurturer and a teacher to my children. I am their ultimate support.  I want to be there to get them up in the morning, to feed them all their meals and play with them all day. Be there when they need a hug and cuddle them during nap time. And read them books and sing to them at bedtime. All of it. 

It's going to be an adjustment. It's going to be so much easier to concentrate on school, on being a mom, on being a wife, on myself.

So, I'm quitting my job.

And I am so excited!