Yesterday, I was in a bad mood. I woke up with a stuffy nose and swollen eyes, meaning I was probably allergic to something in my home. I was tired and grumpy and mean. It lasted all day. I decided that I just needed a good nights sleep and I'd be happier in the morning.
However, I woke up in just as bad of a mood as I was in yesterday.
I decided that maybe I just needed to get out for a bit, so I took Savannah out to Kneaders for a late breakfast (Brunch?). We walked in at exactly 11:00am. The couple in line in front of us ordered the cinnamon french toast, and I decided that that's what I wanted. When it was my turn to order, the lady told me that they stopped serving breakfast at 11:00. I looked at my watch and noticed it was 11:02. So the people in front of me got breakfast, and I didn't. I snapped at the lady that it was pretty stupid to give those customers breakfast at 11, and that because I was 2 minutes late that I wouldn't get any. I almost turned around and stormed out, but I was hungry and Savannah had already spotted the bread. So I ordered some fruit cups, a croissant sandwich, juice and a cookie to split. I also may have taken 4 or 5 slices of the free bread samples, instead of just 2, just out of spite.
As we were enjoying our breakfast, I was listening to the conversation of the group of people at the table next to me. From what I gathered, one of the women had started the process of divorce and her friends had taken her out to breakfast to console her (They all had french toast... not fair...). At first they were comforting, which I thought was nice of them. A whole group of women there to support their friend. The woman was even talking about the possibility of trying marriage counseling before she officially started the paperwork because she felt like they hadn't properly worked on their issues. But one of her friends told her that if it had already gotten this far, it wasn't worth trying to fix and she would just waste time and money. (This made me really, really sad because I feel that you should work as hard as possible to fix a problem) As their conversation progressed, they became increasingly mean spirited. They were calling her, I guess "soon to be" ex-husband rotten names, and saying horrible things. Now, I obviously don't know the situation that caused this divorce, but from the bits and pieces I could gather, it was over something about a house they were buying, they couldn't agree and the marriage spiraled out of control form there.
It seemed like a silly reason to get a divorce over, but I just kept reminding myself that there were probably a lot of other issues, and that was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
I tried to ignore them after the conversation got worse and enjoy my morning date with my daughter, who was happily munching on cantaloup and yelling at the cars out on the street to "go! go! go! fast! fast!". But the more heated they became, the louder they got.
Pretty soon, this woman's friends were encouraging her to write nasty texts and e-mails to her ex, and then they began texting him from their own phones. Then they were sending anonymous text to members of his family and to his friends. They were laughing wildly thinking this was hilarious. I just felt bad for his family and friends, who probably weren't even involved in this.
I just felt that they were taking this too far. As if this were a petty Jr. high breakup and they were trying to be mean just out of spite, creating drama. Wasn't this couple already dealing with enough? Was this really going to help this process go smoother? Was this really going to make this transition for either of them, or their families any easier?
I would think not.
I was becoming discouraged. I've seen this way too many times. People get angry and hurt, and bring other people into that big old mess, then everyone gets angry and hurt. It ruins relationships, friendships, families. Can't people just be civil with each other? Just because you don't like someone, doesn't mean you can't try to be nice to them.
Just then, a lady sat down at the booth behind us while waiting for her take-out order. She turned to Savannah and said "Well hello sweetheart! You have very pretty hair!" Savannah beamed and showed the lady the cookie she was munching on. The woman asked her if the cookie was good, Savannah nodded and with a mouth full, she replied "Yeah, good. Yummy!" The lady chatted with Savannah for a bit, then got up to go grab her lunch.
As she was leaving, Savannah yelled "Bye! Bye friend! Nice to meet you!". It just melted my heart. That's the thing I love most about Savy. She's so nice to everyone and is genuinely concerned if people are happy or not. We are talking about the girl who cried during the first 5 minutes of the Fox and the Hound here. The girl who gave the new kid in nursery who was crying a book, a pat on the shoulder, and told him "you ok, you ok."
After that moment, the woman at the other table received a call from her husband, she stepped away from her friends to answered it and sat at the table behind me. She was nearly whispering, but she was arguing with him. Savannah looked at her and smiled, then said "Happy!". When the lady turned away from her and covered her mouth and phone with her hand to continue arguing, Savannah got a concerned look on her face and said "Sad..." then frowned. Even my nearly 2 year old knew that this woman was not having a good phone conversation.
I then came to the resolution that I would try my hardest not to teach Savannah hate or spite. It's not in a child's nature to be that way, they learn it as they grow older. They observe it from family and friends. I thought back to high school. There were people I knew, and even though I never hung out with them, or would really call them my friends, they were nice to me, remembered my name, said hello to me in the hallways, and then there were the people who thrived off of making other people unhappy, who lived off spreading rumors and making people feel terrible. I want my children to be like those people who were nice to everyone. I see no benefit to being rude, hateful or spiteful. But I can see all the benefits of being a good person.
I was mean to the lady at the till, I was spiteful and rude because I didn't get what I wanted. The people at the next table snickering and making fun of this woman's husband was awful. It didn't help my bad mood improve. But the kind lady who took the time to chat with Savannah made me forget my bad mood completely. Savannah's sweet "nice to meet you!" made me smile, and made me feel proud.
It's so much easier to be nice than it is to be mean. Those women were laughing and joking and seemed to be enjoying the drama they were creating, but I imagine that when they go home, and are alone, they don't feel as happy as that women who was kind to a toddler.
It is hard. Sometimes I think I see someone who's life seems better than mine, and it's easy to start inventing flaws in that person. It's easy to say "sure that person has an amazing job, but her husband and children probably get neglected because she's never home." When really, I'm just jealous that they have a job that I wished I had.
But I think we can all use a lesson from our kids on how to be nicer, how to be happy for others, and how to show better compassion to others.
